Part one of a collection of best tweets found in the #bisexualfacts twitter tag.
its true im highly acidic
I look forward to my future as a shade-giving tree.
There needs to be a bar or club or something that when you walk in there’s a rack of different color wristbands with words like “I looking for-“
- no one
So that everyone would know who’s looking for who.
"Hey that girl is cute. And her wristband says she’s also looking for a girl. Sweet!”
"He’s cute, but his wristband says girls. Oh well."
you are the future
The former South African president died today at age 95. Remember him through his uplifting and revolutionary words.
The news media wouldn’t cover Blackstone’s shady dealings, so Samantha Bee brilliantly took matters into her own hands on last night’s Daily Show.
Click here to watch.
I’M SO GLAD THIS GOT A TON OF NOTES
THEY LOOK SO HAPPY TO BE HELPING
RATS ARE ADORABLE OK
When someone asks adult male fans to be respectful of the fact that a show is primarily meant for the entertainment and enrichment of young girls and the response is, “No, but you don’t understand, this show is actually high quality,” that’s… pretty revealing.
White men: Why the rest of us can’t have nice things since basically ever.
"When you dress like that it’s like putting a steak in front of a dog; what do you expect?"
Peanut butter is basically my dog’s favorite thing in the world.
You know why she’s not even touching it?
I said “no.”
OOHOHOHOOOOOOO OHO OHO O OHOHOO O OHO OH O HO OH OOHH HO WHATCHA GON DO NOW SON
if u look at the high res photo of derek’s promo photo you can see his chest hair and i want to believe they are giving me this but also i know down my soul that it was probably a mistake taken during the off season
How convenient that JK Rowling made Tom Marvolo Riddle equal I Am Lord Voldemort when it’s obviously supposed to be Mr. Tom, A Dildo Lover.
#ok but u kno this is an accurate portrayal of their sex life and how they like it #like Stiles likes it hard and dirty #just gettin’ in the door still with his jacket on #Derek surprising him and goin’ down on him real quick and filthy #pants around his ankles not even a hello honey how was your day #which he probably says every time#and Derek huffs against his thigh maybe bites at a little #and it works every time #the first time he maybe hit his head a bit hard in the middle of sayin ‘oh fuck Derek— ah fuck’ #and Derek probably made a remark about him losing brain cells #and Stiles probably said something ~witty like lol maybe you should make me lose some more #mmm cos you know he’d be super bad at dirty talk #till he gets a bit practised #till he learns what gets Derek going yeah then #THEN you got Derek and you KNOW he likes it slow #he likes it when Stiles takes his time #takes him apart piece by piece until he’s breathless with want #like Stiles’d dig a little bit of teeth that little bit of an edge of pain #but he wouldn’t want Derek to feel ANY pain #cos he’s a sucker and you know he wants Derek to have NICE things #NICE sweaters for Christmas and NICE pillow talk and NICE head #where he just totally worships the fuck out of Derek #and Derek falls apart under his hands #BUT ALSO FEELS TREASURED #MHM cos lbr they’d probably do filthy things but you can bet your ass they’d be nice about it #they’d be the losers thathold hands under the table whilst they’re throwing chips at each other #or insult each other inbetween kisses #best of both worlds all in one pretty gifset (✿◠‿◠) (via stilinskisparkles)
some guy was trying to hit on me while i was out getting coffee today.
So I pulled out my phone thinking he would go away if looked busy. instead he asked me “so is that a picture of you and your boyfriend”.
THIS IS MY PHONE BACKGROUND:
I said yes.
THE DOCTOR SAVES THE DAY AGAIN
This is why you cant trust women, even when theyre mouth is closed theyre still lying to you
you do realize that this is really hurtful right?
i did not do this to show how i am ‘lying’ to men or anyone, it’s not about how you, as a man, should feel about it - it’s about myself.
to me your statement sounds as if the left side of this picture is something awful or horrible. and no, it’s not. it is my face - with and without makeup. and whether i chose to wear it or not is MY AND JUST MY decision. and when i do, i do it for myself - so that i feel good about myself - not for you.
And on top of all of that, can we not admit that there is artistry required to apply makeup like this? Not only should no one be questioning her beauty (she is beautiful on both sides) or why she does this or any of that noise, we should be acknowledging the talent she has. This shit isn’t easy, and she’s done a hell of a job.
In this time of term papers I wanted to draw my patron deity, Bullshitticus, god of students and general last minute fudgery, sitting upon his Golden Futon, attended by the muses Caffeina and Thesaurae, whose powers of artificial energy and pretentious vocabulary can be invoked in case of the all-nighter.
I like to think he’s Dionysus’s second cousin or something.
This is genius…
all wise words from the sagest of the sage.